Its not that difficult really. I have been developing (ed) into this mean creature. It has been festering inside me for quite a while. And while I know, I realise I am being mean, I am unable to let go of it. I like it, I am enjoying it.
I have been at home for now 2 weeks. 2 weeks that I thought would be for ME, about ME. But unfortunately, my parents and MIL arrived for these 2 weeks. My parents had planned for a trip in week 2. I was happy bout that as Week 1 I would have been alone. But MIL turned up in Week 1 (unplanned). Any other time would have ok (would it?). It would have been ok. MIL is reserved. You can see she is getting bored. But we dont have much common interests. While there is no expectation from me that I need to hang around with her every waking moment, you know it is. You feel guilty half the times!!! Thankfully my parents landed.. they can / have been entertaining each other.
So the thing is, it is a weird state of mind. I dont do anything the entire day. I eat, sleep, read, watch TV...try to make conversation. By the end of the day,I feel lethargic which continues on to the next day. The first few days were fun as I was alone. I would just get out of the house for sometime and do something.
Now I just feel very guilty of leaving them in the house while I go off gallivanting somewhere. So I dont go and I end up feeling insanely miserable and broody. Of course the feelings are more intense towards MIL. I can tell my own mom whatever I want!!! But you cannot do that to MIL. Poor her. She is a sweet soul who has to hang around a morose person like me. So we do go out.. but all of us together, not me alone.
And of course, A is having the most hectic week of his life. He leaves in the morning and doesnt show his face till 12 in the night when everyone is fast asleep.
As I cannot vent on anyone else in the house, I am taking out all my frustration on him. Everyday, my maid cooks food which we eat for both lunch and dinner. And invariably something falls short for dinner to be had by 4 people (A has dinner at home). Day before, both the ladies decided to keep the potato subji (left from lunch) for A as potato is his favourite and made bhindi for us late in the night. I tried to tell them not to do all these things and that he can make himself an omlette if he likes (which he does most days) but they were like, no no let him have it. Not only this, they saved him a big bowl of daal (a small bowl is not enough, no sir) just in case we finished it and he has nothing to eat. And he left the damn potato!!!!!!!!!! Gotcha!!!!!
Yesterday saw a repeat performance but I put my foot down on anyone cooking anything late in the evening. Anyway, again we saved a big bowl of daal and subji for our man friday!! And we, the ladies had more of curd!!! And I told him off late in the night.. how people cut their dinner so that he gets fed nicely (yeah I can be very mean).
You may think why does this annoy me. This kind of a thing is always done by women. Have you ever seen a man do this?? In our house, my mom / aunts, all the ladies would sit later.. so all the curries will vanish. Only thing that would remain is the rice. If it is breakfast, then chutney would be over by the time they come into the picture. And no matter what amount of chutney you make, it will always be less.
Once I really scolded A and bro in law for not being considerate enough to notice that there are other people wanting to eat. This really really gets to me. Just because someone is at home, doesnt mean they are anyone's slaves. Really. I dont know what is it with housewives. Is it the guilt at self inflicted thoughts of non contribution?
My sis, being the smart one, found a remedy for this. If we are sitting in the 2nd round, she saves a big bowl of "whatever" for us. My mom of course keeps every damn thing on the table. Hmmmppphh.. she will never learn!!!
So coming back to the frustrations of the mind.. all this built up desperation is relieved on A. I punish him by not talking to him.I have been avoiding him. Poor thing, he has been trying to talk to me.. smsg me from work. But the ice wont melt. He should also be punished for what I am suffering. Dont ask me why I am doing all this. I think I am finding comfort in the fact that I am not going through this alone (I get fed have the babies talk by both parties.. isnt it reason enough). He can also suffer. Hrrrmmmphhh
The weird thing is.. weirdest I should say, I am also enjoying this. As in, if I dont brood, I am enjoying with my mom / MIL. We do whatever we want. Watch movies. Read. Watch IPL. I just dont tell A. Out of spite.
Its funny...as soon as they step out of the door I start missing them. Then I will be depressed. It really is depressing to come back to an empty house after a long time.
:((
So what is it, again, I am troubled about? I dont know. The evil me is enjoying attention while it lasts. I am trying to reign that part of me in without much success.
I have been at home for now 2 weeks. 2 weeks that I thought would be for ME, about ME. But unfortunately, my parents and MIL arrived for these 2 weeks. My parents had planned for a trip in week 2. I was happy bout that as Week 1 I would have been alone. But MIL turned up in Week 1 (unplanned). Any other time would have ok (would it?). It would have been ok. MIL is reserved. You can see she is getting bored. But we dont have much common interests. While there is no expectation from me that I need to hang around with her every waking moment, you know it is. You feel guilty half the times!!! Thankfully my parents landed.. they can / have been entertaining each other.
So the thing is, it is a weird state of mind. I dont do anything the entire day. I eat, sleep, read, watch TV...try to make conversation. By the end of the day,I feel lethargic which continues on to the next day. The first few days were fun as I was alone. I would just get out of the house for sometime and do something.
Now I just feel very guilty of leaving them in the house while I go off gallivanting somewhere. So I dont go and I end up feeling insanely miserable and broody. Of course the feelings are more intense towards MIL. I can tell my own mom whatever I want!!! But you cannot do that to MIL. Poor her. She is a sweet soul who has to hang around a morose person like me. So we do go out.. but all of us together, not me alone.
And of course, A is having the most hectic week of his life. He leaves in the morning and doesnt show his face till 12 in the night when everyone is fast asleep.
As I cannot vent on anyone else in the house, I am taking out all my frustration on him. Everyday, my maid cooks food which we eat for both lunch and dinner. And invariably something falls short for dinner to be had by 4 people (A has dinner at home). Day before, both the ladies decided to keep the potato subji (left from lunch) for A as potato is his favourite and made bhindi for us late in the night. I tried to tell them not to do all these things and that he can make himself an omlette if he likes (which he does most days) but they were like, no no let him have it. Not only this, they saved him a big bowl of daal (a small bowl is not enough, no sir) just in case we finished it and he has nothing to eat. And he left the damn potato!!!!!!!!!! Gotcha!!!!!
Yesterday saw a repeat performance but I put my foot down on anyone cooking anything late in the evening. Anyway, again we saved a big bowl of daal and subji for our man friday!! And we, the ladies had more of curd!!! And I told him off late in the night.. how people cut their dinner so that he gets fed nicely (yeah I can be very mean).
You may think why does this annoy me. This kind of a thing is always done by women. Have you ever seen a man do this?? In our house, my mom / aunts, all the ladies would sit later.. so all the curries will vanish. Only thing that would remain is the rice. If it is breakfast, then chutney would be over by the time they come into the picture. And no matter what amount of chutney you make, it will always be less.
Once I really scolded A and bro in law for not being considerate enough to notice that there are other people wanting to eat. This really really gets to me. Just because someone is at home, doesnt mean they are anyone's slaves. Really. I dont know what is it with housewives. Is it the guilt at self inflicted thoughts of non contribution?
My sis, being the smart one, found a remedy for this. If we are sitting in the 2nd round, she saves a big bowl of "whatever" for us. My mom of course keeps every damn thing on the table. Hmmmppphh.. she will never learn!!!
So coming back to the frustrations of the mind.. all this built up desperation is relieved on A. I punish him by not talking to him.I have been avoiding him. Poor thing, he has been trying to talk to me.. smsg me from work. But the ice wont melt. He should also be punished for what I am suffering. Dont ask me why I am doing all this. I think I am finding comfort in the fact that I am not going through this alone (I get fed have the babies talk by both parties.. isnt it reason enough). He can also suffer. Hrrrmmmphhh
The weird thing is.. weirdest I should say, I am also enjoying this. As in, if I dont brood, I am enjoying with my mom / MIL. We do whatever we want. Watch movies. Read. Watch IPL. I just dont tell A. Out of spite.
Its funny...as soon as they step out of the door I start missing them. Then I will be depressed. It really is depressing to come back to an empty house after a long time.
:((
So what is it, again, I am troubled about? I dont know. The evil me is enjoying attention while it lasts. I am trying to reign that part of me in without much success.
8 comments:
too much idle time I would say :) if you drown yourself in work, it will all go back to normal. It works for me, I behave strange...become strange when I have time...and then comes one exams or one submission and I become my usual self!
@melee I am hoping so too.. idle mind, devil's workshop!!!!
I do this a lot too. Especially if I have to bear company, good or bad, alone. I am very picky about who I share my space with.
In this case I cannot be picky. LOL. But yeah, I think I am just not used to being with family on a continuous basis... esp now that I am not working.
so you have come out in the open. congrats. I also become, er well not a shrew when my mom visits us
LOL, girl..i can completely understand.. I sometimes turn one meanie myself too.. its just one of those phases.. will pass. You are aware of that fact, so you are out of it sooner :)
@moony I am out of it already!!! I think I was just feeling cooped up for the lack of space!!!
@Knife Yeah, I have. I was bout to delete this post the minute I wrote it. Finally I did not!! :)) But it did give me a huge sense of relief.. I felt instantly better!! :)
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