Sunday, November 22, 2009

A Coward.. meet moonshine..

When i compare myself to what i was earlier (pre marriage) and what i am now.. i used to be complete bindaas.. where now i am careful.. a worrier.. dependent.. thats whats describes me!!!

And believe you me, its got nothing to do with the person i got married to :)... its just me.. i have become so dependent for everything on him!!!!

As an example - earlier, i used to have my own car.. and i used to go everywhere without caring 2 hoots about parking, about not knowing how to get there etc.. i still remember i had just learnt driving and i had been invited to lunch at my boss's place.. his place was easily around 30 kms away.. and an area that was alien to me.. i just took my car and somehow managed to reach after warning people that i still not know how to park properly.. that was the first time i took the car out alone and drove such a long distance!!! I never used to bother about anything.. one fine day my friend invited me over to KL (Malaysia).. and i went.. lost my luggage at the airport.. found it.. and that was my first trip abroad.. when she went to work, i would step out , take a cab.. and roam about all over KL on my own!!! I used to travel for work.. traveled to Bareilly, ludhiana , patna everywhere without a second thought!!!! You get the picture?

A taste of me as i am now - "Should i take the car? I dont know if there's parking.. forget it, much easier to take a rick"... "how do i get to this place.. leave it .. will go when A is around".. " I am traveling alone.. should i take the flight from bombay where there will be others?"... " they are not sending a cab.. how will i get to the hotel".... etc etc etc

I have become totally dependent.. thats what it is!!! Or maybe i am growing old.. nahhh.. am becoming dependent..

So when i traveled alone to Singapore.. it was fantastic.. reminded me of how i used to be... I loved it when i was able to access the BIAL wireless.. all by myself... (i know its no big deal.. so what)..

And just to remind myself , i am still me.. i promptly threw my phone cover (a real nice black case) into the dustbin instead of the empty water bottle!!! And much to the consternation of the observing public, i fished it out of the bin!!!

And then i traveled in S'pore on my own.. the little bit that i could travel i.e. .. it was fun.. being amongst a group of people none of who you know from before.. it was so much fun.. though initially i was a bit unnerved!!! It was an amazing experience.. traveling alone.. one that i had forgotten about!!!

And this weekend again i find myself alone... so yesterday, roamed about in Blore!!! I have forgotten how much fun doing timepass by oneself is.. i went to this small hole in the wall kind of a lingerie place (there are many of these).. had fun shopping.. had a sub when i felt like it.. went to Crossword and browsed!!! Did all the things that i used to do!!! It was so much fun.

At times, its good to be able to do that... though here, i am not meaning to say that its not fun when 2 people do it.. its just that at times you need to remind yourself that you will do fine even if you are left alone.. you need to be on your own.. just do your own thing.. get out of the house.. and go wherever the mood (the auto guy rather) takes you!!! :)

I am happy.


Scarlett said...

I know what you mean. You become dependant on the person you're seeing/living with/are married to. Thankfully, I still do things on my own, go wherever I need to, run my own errands, hang out on my own (go shopping, bookstore, have a sub/coffee whenever I feel like irrespective of whether someone's there along with me). But emotionally I've become dependant. He's the first person I call when there's a crisis. He's not always able to sort it out for me but he usually gives me a solution.

The knife said...

i think a bit a is to do with age too ... but of course things do change when you are two versus one

Moonshine said...

@Scarlett yes thats how it is... total emotional dependence.. trying to get out of it though.. how i dont know!!! :)

@Knife - things change.. while one thinks not much will change.. but they change completely..

the-mommie said...

And i'm jealous!

I don't see myself being able to do anything independently now for a long long time to come - you know the story.... ho... hum!

Moonshine said...

@mommie Dont be... i am sure you will figure out something!!!!!! Restart blogging.. you will surely feel good!!! :)