Its been a kind of an icky weekend.. cloudy, dull, grey, gloomy .. not to mention the work which has been on the back of my mind and I am really not doing much to solve it (by working i.e.) !!
And then we decided to visit old family friends.. actually relatives now.. Uncle has been hospitalised. While they have been in Bangalore last one week, we couldn't meet them earlier.
Uncle was diagnosed with cancer... was extremely unexpected.. he quit smoking a decade ago.. went to the doc for some check up!! Now they are here to get some tests done.. to check how much it has spread.
I find visiting hospitals really difficult.. if there is one thing I am scared of.. terrified of.. that is illness.. especially in the case of family. To see so many tubes and stitches (indicative of the operation)... a shiver passes down my spine.
And on these occasions, I do not know what to say - should one console or talk about other routine things to take their mind off things!! I usually opt for the 2nd way... but mostly people can make out from my face.. blood usually drains out.. and one conversation can have me in a flood of tears.
I wish people were never ever ill.
Over the weekend I have been worrying about a presentation.. this hospital visit has brought in a bit of perspective .. what idiotic things we worry about.. when actually you could be out enjoying.. and just being with the people you love. I get this jolt every once in a while.. I got it a few months ago when I resolved that I am going to stop being a workaholic and spend time with parents and with A.. I haven't met my sis in ages!!! And a month hence, I am back to working late nights.. traveling.. with no time for anything..
And today again as I introspect.. I have spent the entire year working, working and working more. And when I was not working, I was worrying... anxious about work ....thinking about clients, business, presentations.. I cant remember when I had a full day to myself when I was completely free from work, physically or mentally.
Sad isn't it.. It takes something like this to bring you back to earth with a thud.. makes you take a step back and look at your own life.. and wonder what is it exactly that you have achieved.