Tuesday, June 15, 2010

I have a dream

A few days back, when I saw that mooney's post title was leeches.. I took a step back.. ahem!!!!!!! Well, not in the leech way she has described it.. but a leech nevertheless!!!!

I am talking about myself!!! I, me, myself.

Ever since I got married.. a good 4 years back.. I have become like this totally dependent person.. totally dependent on A.. a complete anti thesis of how I used to be (am exaggerating but what the heck) in terms of dependence.. I have become (kind of) of what i used to advise my friends not to be like!!! Little did I know!

I cannot go anywhere without him. Even if I hangout with my friends.. it usually is not over weekend (that is our time).. hate it when he goes anywhere without me!!!! Hated it when he found something he liked but didnt involve me!!!!!!!!!!!!! Possessive? You bet.

But I had become.. have become this clingy.. leechy (I know theres no such word, but goes well with clingy) kind of a person!!! I dont like doing anything on my own.. I think it all started when I sold off my car before getting married.. and it was own bright little idea (my poor little zen..sob sob) !!! On second thoughts, maybe that too wouldnt have helped!!

The context - my hubby and I have a weekend marriage ... our work hours are different... so it has become a pattern.. cant think of not spending weekend together.. sacrilege!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

About a month or 2 ago, I was really stressed because of work and desperately needed a break. But A was busy - besides work, there was a lot of running around to be done on the house front. I fretted and finally .. break didnt happen.. I was at work, he was at work and time went by!!

Sometime back A said - why do our breaks need to be together.. you needed a break desperately.. you should have just taken it!!! We dont need to be together everytime!! It is difficult and you should learn to chill on your own too... and I took a step back.. it had never ever occured to me I could!!! Which is weird.. because I used to run off on holidays with friends.. even alone to a friend another country.. I never used to wait!!!!!

But then I am a leech.. old habits die hard.. I havent done much on own in the past 4 years...

But I have decided that I will... maybe this and the project are tied together... maybe I will just go somewhere.. check into some hotel in goa alone and chill!!!! As soon as I find the courage.. someone pass the salt please!!!!


Scarlett said...

I know where you're coming from! I do a lot of things on my own, even on weekends. I go shopping on my own, go to a coffee shop & read a book, go to a book store...the point is to ensure you're doing things on your own & not always clinging to your partner. In your case, I know that would be difficult since you get to see your husband only during the weekends. But I guess sometimes if he's busy, you should just try doing something on your own.

My break is also in danger of getting cancelled due to change of circumstances for A...but I've decided I'll take a break on my own if our joint holiday doesn't happen. Let's go to Goa! Our all-girls plan!

P.S: All men are exact replicas of each other. "Why do we have to do everything together?" is a phrase I'm very familiar with. Men have this ability to compartmentalize their lives & dissociate themselves from situations, which I think is awesome! Wish we were a little like that too :(

Moonshine said...

@Scarlett You know the one day i was forced to go and buy some stuff on my own (A waa traveling).. i liked it.. i had a sub .. picked random stuff.. and in an hour trooped home and made myself some nice tea! It was fun..

Lets do that goa trip.. all women trip.. or maybe ladakh.. or somewhere!!!! I am all for it. I envy A for this... he never gets bored.. even if am not there!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Scarlett said...

Yes, I'm very familiar with that (he doesn't get bored even when I'm not around too). Let's go to Goa.

arvind said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Shruti said...

I like the 'checking into some hotel in goa' bit! Why not end of this month?? :)

Moony said...

awww.. i can understand.. Though I don't live with a partner.. I sorta have seen it that many woman tend to do this to themselves (probably I might become a similar one too). As for myself..I can do everything alone, except for taking a holiday by myself..I am worried I will be bored and regret it! You in B'lr right? why don't we do coffee sometime?

the-mommie said...

Okay, so I'll just say ditto to everything! Like I needed to tell YOU that! :P

Goa trip sounds fun, wish I could go too! :( Will just have to wait for V to grow up some more and for us to be back I guess!

Moonshine said...

@Scarlett Goa sounds good.

@Shruti Beach acco? :p

@Moony wait till you find someone!!! I used to do stuff on my own too :p ... holiday alone in a place like goa i think would be ok.. it needs to be a good hotel.. i dont mind going alone and doing nothing but read on the beach.

@mommie I know!! Sigh!!!!!!!!!! COme down.. we will form a girls group and go to goa!! :)

Moonshine said...

@Moony sure why not!! A bloggers meet in blore :)

Shruti said...

Haha! u wish! atleast i sent the invitation! ;) :P

mêlée said...

this is the project! 'going to Goa' project :)
there is the group 'women on clouds' that organize all-women vacations, including Goa....and the more interesting one is this 21 days-21 gifts, esp if you like to give! pls chk http://21gifts.ning.com where you make it a systematic plan to gift each day something meaningful to someone.
okay will stop my unsolicited advices here :P

arvind said...

me not commenting!
but just wishing..

"wish the Goa project - a grand success"

Moonshine said...

@melee Go goa sounds fantastic.. goa with girl friends even better!!! Will check out the link :)

@Shruti hahahaha.. after much prodding and poking

moony said...

Great! I have a few blogfriends.. who've turned out to be offline friends too over year.... we should probably do that ..invite your own set of people..we will fix date and time sometime soon.